Greyhawk's Guide to the Paranormal

I want to start off by saying: All the stories are true, every fairy-tale, urban legend, and bed-time story. All true, every single one of them, especially the German ones... okay not really, but most of them are, and the sooner you can accept that the sooner you can learn to protect yourself. Oh, and one last note before we get into the nitty-gritty: Never, under any circumstances, look up at the sky. They're up there, watching you. You can't see them, and that's probably a good thing, but they can see you. Their hypnotic gaze pierces the deepest recesses of your mind and shuts out your ability to see the world as it truly is.

A
Angels - We don't run into them too often, they typically don't interfere with the normal people. Sure they're here, but they each have their own jobs and they do them, but not much else. Don't be fooled by pictures though, while they do have wings, it's not two bird wings it's usually between seven and thirteen insect-like wings made of fire. Some other Illuminaughty type organization is keeping their eye on one in the Arctic, they say that one has between seventeen and twenty-one wings and hasn't moved an inch in decades. Then again, they also say it guards the path to heaven, personally, I think that means it'll kill you if you mess with it.

*Angelic Tongues - More commonly known as the voice of angels, or the voice of God, is best described as a three dimensional sound, impossible for normal people to comprehend, at best it'll give you a headache, at worst... well you've seen Dogma, right?

B
Big Foot aka Yeti, Abominable Snowman, Skunk-Ape, The Missing Link, etc... - Yes, they exist, no they have never been caught on film, that one was a hoax. There are thousands of these guys spread across the globe, on every continent, in every country. In fact, there is probably at least one within five miles of you right now. 'but if there are so many, how has no one ever found them?' I hear you ask, well let's just say that I'm very good at my job.

C
Cerberus - Like Angels, we don't run into these fella's too often. We know they exist, we know there are more than one. Do they guard the gates to Tartarus? I don't know, but probably not, personally, I think it's another one of those "mess with me and I'll eat you" situations. We don't know how many there are, or what they do in their little caverns, aside from standing there and growl at anyone who gets too close. Some suspect they have some kind of relation to the hellhound, but the only ones who know the truth are the Demons, and they're not talking.

Clowns - Totally, 100% fake. There is no such thing as clowns, if anyone ever tells you they've seen one, they're lying. If you've seen one, you were just seeing things and should probably go see a doctor about that. Clowns were made up by a Demon who had possessed a high ranking minister of the Catholic church to scare children into selling their souls to him. He then implanted visions of these horrid things into their minds and that seems to have lead to a genetic predisposition to hallucinating the existence of clowns.

D
Demons - Demons are more common than you might think, they have adapted quite well to modern civilization. And yes, all of them are after your soul, but no, not all of them are going to force you into an eternity of agony, but best to play it safe and not sign your soul away. Demons fill their 'quota' in a variety of ways, crossroads deals, door to door sales, get rich quick scams, televangelism, and most famously, 'terms of service' agreements.

*Demon Code - Demons are bound by their 'Code,' or in other words, their word. As such, they can not lie, except by omission. So if a demon tells you something, it's true, or at the very least they believe it to be true.

Dragons - Let sleeping dragons lie... seriously you don't want to wake one of these things up, last time that happened was Pompeii. Also while dragons are real, volcanoes are not. Volcanoes were made up by the Catholic church in |||| to convince the masses that dragons were fake (mostly because they thought the dragons were demons and feared the mass hysteria over the realization that the armies of hell roamed the earth).

Dwarves - Kris, Nick and Noel aren't the only dwarves out there, most Dwarves don't deal in toys, they deal in precious gems and metals. You aren't likely to meet one of these guys though, they spend most of their time underground, oddly enough, they're a bit friendlier than most of the fey. They won't eat, torture, kill, maim, or enslave you for seeing them, they'll just ignore you, tell you to GTFO, or chase you away, unless you come bearing precious minerals for trade... or alcohol, they like that too.

E
Easter Bunnies - I know what you're thinking, 'this one can't possibly be real. Dwarves, sure. Fairies, why not? Aliens, even, but the Easter Bunny?' and your absolutely right, no such thing, it doesn't exist. I don't even know where this one started. (But I blame the Catholics)

Elves - About a whole head shorter than humans on average, said to be graced with enchanting beauty. That much is true, not that you're likely to find out, catch their eye and they'll likely pull you into their world never to be seen again, but at least you'll have fun as you party to death. Also, yes, Santa does have an army of elves that make toys, but you don't want to meet those ones, they'd probably just eat you.

*On Elves and Alcohol - While it is commonly held that Dwarves are the biggest drinkers in the paranormal, this is not quite accurate. Any Elf could easily drink a dwarf under the table, though it wouldn't really be a fair contest either. You see, what most people don't know, is that Elves are not affected by alcohol the same way most other creatures are. They are, however, intoxicated by vinegar much the same way alcohol does to pretty much anyone else.

F
Fairies - Aside from the tooth variety these little balls of sunshine are mostly harmless, sure they'll party you to death similarly to elves, but hey, what a way to go right?

Frankenstein's Monster - He is real, and man did the good ol' doctor know what he was doing, 'cause man, never before had I seen anyone with that kind of body. And his skills with a needle? You could barely even tell he was stitched together from several different corpses. Also since then, there have been a great many more made, none by the Doctor of course, and few with such beauty or skill, but the lot are typically just referred to as Frankensteins, having taken the name of their originator's creator. Also, Don't call them 'monsters' they don't like that, especially Franky Jr. he's a sensitive, beautiful soul.

G
Ghosts - Where do I begin... there are just so many different kinds... and then you bring Japan into the picture and it's like, seriously what the hell? why do you need a different kind of vengeful spirit for each circumstance of death? Jikiniki for a life of greed. Kuchisake for a woman mutilated by her husband. Then comes along the internet and throws all the rules out the window, now we've got unmarried men becoming kuchisake.

Ghouls -

Gorgons -

Gnomes - Like Elves, but shorter, and friendlier. Typically they'll just put you to sleep, erase your memory and leave you naked in a field, rather than make you dance to the death. Also, they are fond of riddles and don't like being mistaken for Leprechauns. Just trust me on that.

H
Hellhounds - Ever seen a wolf? Imagine one twice the size, pitch black fur, eyes the color of hell itself, very exothermic, and, oh yeah, invisible. That's a hellhound. Ever hear the rumor about how the only ones who can see them are their targets? Not true, their targets can't see them either, only those who can see the paranormal can, and that takes years of experience, less if you've survived an encounter, and near death experiences never hurt... well they do, but they don't hurt your chances of seeing the paranormal... Unless you actually die... But then there's a chance you come back as a ghost and then you'll see it all the time, win-win right?

Hobbits - These guys have almost completely integrated into modern civilization, as have many Dwarves and Gnomes. On a related note, there is no such thing as midgets, they are all either Dwarves, Hobbits or Gnomes, the easiest way to tell which they are is by stature and facial hair. Dwarves are stockier, and typically have a lot of facial hair, grandiose mustaches and magnificent beards. Hobbits are portlier and don't grow facial hair. Gnomes are usually a bit more slender, but with fast food being so prevalent, that is quickly changing, and while they usually have facial hair, it is usually only on the men, and often better groomed than that of Dwarves.

I
Inccubi - These sexy little devils *wink* are masters of seduction, dream weaving, and dream walking. They'll fulfill your every desire, and all it'll cost is your soul, which let's face it, you're not using anyway. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

J
Jack Frost - You've heard the saying 'Jack Frost nipping at your nose?' Well, that's because he's a pixie, why he likes noses so much is a mystery. I keep asking him, but all he does is wink, nip me on the nose then blast me in the face with a flurry of snow as he makes his escape. It's really annoying, in a cute kind of way.

Jeff - The only known case of a male Kuchisake, was a boy named Jeff. While circumstances of his death are vague at best, it is known that the majority of his mutilation was self-inflicted. This case is particularly unusual for several reasons: 1) He was male, B) he wasn't married, 3) in addition to not being married, many sources suggest he was a minor, and therefore too young to be married, D) most of his mutilation was self-inflicted, 5) he is not as driven by vanity, and finally F) He is far more aggressive than other Kuchisake. Reports have it that he does not ask whether or not he is pretty, he simply demands that his victims-to-be 'go to sleep,' and those who fail, end up in ribbons. Also, he tends to hunt, rather than simply stalk, and often times kills his victims in their own homes. Even with these discrepancies, he is considered to be a Kuchisake, due to the fact that he does have the smile cut from ear to ear, he does use a kitchen knife, he does cut his victims to ribbons, He does hunt at night, and he does fit the mutilation bill. Also while stories of his origins vary widely, most have a common fact: His first victims were his parents, whom he killed for having lied to him, when they called him beautiful. Currently, he is wanted as a Rogue Kuchisake.

Jikininki - These are a type of vengeful spirit, the spirit of a person driven by greed. They are greyed in appearance, with sunken eyes, similar to that of a ghoul, and steal from the dead. They also have a particularly nasty habit of cannibalizing the corpses they plunder. Don't worry though, they usually find their grave robbing and cannibalism even more disgusting than you do.

K
Kitsune -

Kuchisake - Another type of vengeful spirit, more specifically the spirit of a woman who was mutilated by her husband... Or rather, they were... There have been recent reports of young unmarried men becoming kuchisake, though there is only one confirmed case, this 'case' also seems to be a lot more aggressive (See: Jeff). Typically a Kuchisake will approach their target, usually children out past sun-down, and ask a seemingly simple question, "Do you think I'm pretty?" Answer 'no,' and the Kuchisake cuts you to ribbons or somesuch with a pair of scissors or a kitchen knife. Answer 'yes,' and she'll remove her hospital mask revealing a mouth sliced from one ear to the other and repeat the question, "Do you think I'm pretty?" This time the only difference in answering 'yes' or 'no,' is what direction you wish your ribbons to be cut. There are rumors that you can confuse a Kuchisake long enough to escape by answering somewhere along the lines of 'you're so-so,' though the only confirmed way to escape a Kuchisake is to respond to their question by apologizing then stating that you have somewhere important to be.

L
Lamia -

Leprechauns - The stories about these little tots are all true, they horde gold, are hard to catch, and grant wishes if you do manage to catch them, and yes they'll even give you their gold if that's your wish... But I'd advise against that, 'cause they'll hunt you to the ends of the earth to get it back. And if you thought tooth-fairies were bad...

Liches -

M
Mermaids - Ohhh... Here we go. So, yes they exist, yes they are beautiful, no they don't sing with the voices of angels (see: Angels), yes they have voices the beauty of which rival their own appearance, and yes get too close and they'll drag you down to Davy Jones' Locker. Now that we've got that out of the way, contrary to popular belief, there are male mermaids, some call the mermen, but that usually paints the wrong image, mermen are not the freaky fish guy from the black lagoon, they are like female mermaids, but without the breasts, but d|||ed if they aren't just as gorgeous.

N
Nymphs - if you thought elves were attractive or liked to party, you haven't met a nymph, they could out-party any elf, and side by side in a beauty pageant? No contest. They are also about 237% more likely to eat your flesh, so... there's that. Oh, and that thing with elves and vinegar? It don't work on nymphs, it just makes them mad. On a side note, nymphs have a pretty interesting ability, they can alter the composition of their body, allowing them to turn themselves into wood, stone, water, etc... Though it seems each nymph can only turn into one of the aforementioned and is how nymphs are further divided.

*On Nymphs and Vinegar - While Nymphs and Elves have similar habits of partying humans to death, and in some cases eating them alive, Nymphs are not intoxicated by vinegar as the Elves are. It just makes them angry... I know, 'cause I tried it. Then again, I'd be pretty angry too, if someone swapped my whiskey out for a tall refreshing glass of vinegar.

P
Paranormal Being - Beings of majjyckal nature, in general, seem to be unable to see projected images, such as television, phones, computers, or in theatres. We don't know why, but we're trying to figure this one out.

Pixies - While they may look like fairies, albeit a bit taller, these guys are no laughing matter. They bite, literally, and a lot... fall into a swarm of these and they'll strip all the flesh from your bones faster than you can say yippie-kai-ay mother f|||er. Better to encounter Jack, at least he always travels alone.

R
Revenants - Revenants are beings who have had their souls removed from their bodies and bound to an object by a ritual, performed either by themselves, as in the case of a liche, or a third party. I imagine this process would be extremely painful, though the thought of being basically immortal does sound quite tempting. But then there is always the chance that whoever does it could bind you to their will as well, so all-in-all I'd say it's not worth the risk unless you can do the ritual yourself.

S
Sandman - Like Santa there are more than one of these guys, they are gnomes, and these ones are particularly mischievous, and are especially fond of putting people to sleep, and making them believe their 'adventures' were naught but dreams.

Santa Claus aka Saint Nikolas, Kris Kringle, Papa Noel, Daddy December, etc... - These are not all the same person, there are probably hundreds of these toy-distributing dwarves, though like a majority of the fey, they do not like being seen by humans. Be a good little boy and go to bed, and you get a present; but if you stay up and happen to 'catch' Santa, well let's just say there's a reason for all the 'Krampus' stories, though this one usually ends with little Timmy being fed to Rudolph.

Skinwalkers - Main-stream media seems to have almost romanticized one of these, for some unknown reason... must be the suit (see: Slender). Though most of these guys prefer walking around in other people's skin, or their dog's, or cat's.... or anything other than their own, really. Without a skin suit they have featureless faces pale skin and questionable bone structures, some believe they evolved from octopi.

Slender - Stories and sightings vary by a wide margin, and come from all corners of the globe (and if you're wondering where that phrase came from, it's because the world is actually a cube, but parts of it, more specifically the corners, can only be seen, and interacted with, by the paranormal, and those who have survived encounters with them). As such it is unknown if this one actually exists, it is possible there are more than one. This suit-clad skinwalker, made famous via the internet, has supposedly been roaming the earth since the dark ages, maybe even longer, many suspect that there are several of these outliers across the world, all being weird what with their not wearing skin and all. While we are on the watch for this one, it is not considered rogue, as it seems to only target people who victimize children, and while many stories state that it abducts children, none of these reports have been confirmed.

T
Tooth Fairy - Like Ol' Saint Nick, there are a lot of these little buggers, all leaving trinkets for teeth, it was once thought that they stored the teeth away for some mysterious purpose, but as it turns out they just eat them. Also, don't stay up to try to catch them, they're not as nice as the Kringles, the Kringles at least put you out of your misery, these buggers keep you as a pet... After eating all of your teeth and gouging out your eyes.

Tsuchinoko -

U
Unicorns - If ever you've heard anything about Unicorns, it's probably true. They are magical, their blood is silver, pretty much any part of them can be used to cure anything up to and including death, if they lose their horn they die, their blood is addictive, they hate humans, and no one knows why. They don't talk about it at all, especially to humans, try to talk to one and you'll likely end up with a unicorn-horn-sized hole through your chest.

V
Vampires - Do not sparkle; are not hideous, misshapen sewer dwellers; do not live in castles... usually. I'm sure somewhere in the world there is a hideous Vampire that lives in exile in some sewer, and at least three Vampires live in castles (I've even... met... one of them), but these are the exception rather than the rule. As an apex predator, they are very fast; very strong; and very, very attractive. Many work at hospitals, blood banks, plasma donation centers, or for blood drives, as these jobs make it easier for them to eat (drink?). You may have already encountered a few vampires and never even knew it, they have adapted quite well to life as a human in modern society.

W
Werewolves - Ever wonder why furries are a thing? Surprise, it's not the Catholics for once, it's Werewolves. They have, for the most part, completely integrated into modern human society as have vampires. They often live, or at least hunt, near Chinese food restaurants, because let's face it, your pet goes missing who are you going to blame, Werewolves? Probably not.

Witches - One of the few things in this book that doesn't stem from the realm of the paranormal. While some suggest witchcraft was handed down from angels, others suggest it was demons, or even aliens, none of these claims have any proof. It seems the humans of old, studied the paranormal and developed witchcraft to level the playing field. And before you say 'I thought witches were just old ladies in pointy hats, brewing potions and eating children.' That only happened once, most witches throughout history were men, except among the Vikings, about 97% of their witches were female. And the whole pointy hat thing, another thing to blame on the Catholics (seriously look it up).

Y
Yuki-onna -

Z
Zombies - Now here is a section where we really need to clear some stuff up. First off, Zombies are raised by majjyck, so head-shots won't do anything except make them angry. Second, their bite will not turn you into a zombie, but it probably will get infected and kill you. Third, they are not mindless killing machines... well they start off that way, but the more they eat the more they grow, eating muscle tissue makes them stronger and faster, eating brains makes them smarter. During the dark ages, the Zombie Elders formed a government of sorts to aide with human-zombie relations, their first action was to limit the creation of new zombies to the willing, who were about to die, or the recently dead with permission from their next of kin. Their second act was to put the newlings through some kind of etiquette training that included a high-brain diet. Their third act was to go underground living in a city-like network of mausoleums and catacombs. Fourth, they have a deal with most first world governments to consume their dead, that is why burials are restricted to designated 'graveyards' and 'cemeteries'

-By Agent Greyhawk